Adventblogger

HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS – 2

[Love] keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. . . . Love will last forever! 1 Cor. 13:5-8, NLT.

F

rom a quarter century of marriage counseling Willard Harley says that the number three need he’s heard most from wives is honesty and openness. Harley tells husbands, “Your mate should know you better than anyone else in the world.“ But unless we open up our hearts, gentlemen, she’ll never know.“ A sense of security is the bright golden thread woven through all of a woman’s five basic needs. If a husband does not keep up honest and open communication with his wife, he undermines her trust and eventually destroys her security“ (p. 91).

            The number three need for husbands? An attractive spouse. That “simply means that your appearance makes someone feel good.“ Obviously beauty is more than skin-deep, but physical attraction is often what ignited the first flame. And while some husbands have emotional needs more important than their need for an attractive wife, Harley counsels: „She should resemble the woman he married“ (p. 108). Her number four need is financial support, and his is domestic support. In today’s economy most homes need two incomes, but Harley suggests that wives prefer the family budget set up on his income alone. She may choose to work, or have to work, but she looks to her husband for financial security, while it is a source of security for him when she’s the domestic manager of his life, family, house, and home. Clearly the strongest and happiest marriages are a mutually embraced partnership on every front they share.

            The wife’s number five need: family commitment. It is Harley’s ninth law of marriage: the best husband is a good father. Do it together: meals, worship, church, outings, bike rides, beach, board games, sporting events, bedtime stories, family projects, etc. Quantity edges out quality on this front. Spend time together! And the husband’s number five need? Admiration. “Biographies of great men prove it, and the lives of all men show it: A man simply thrives on a woman’s admiration“ (p. 158). Why tear him down in public or in private – he becomes what you make him. “Love one another; as I have loved you“ (John 13:34). When a man and woman pledge to love each other just as God has loved them, you have the makings of a love story that will last forever!

Taken from Chosen by Dwight Nelson