HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS – 1

HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS – 1

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil. 1 Cor. 13:4, 5.

K

aren and I once decided to preach a sermon together, at the end of a series on coventantal relationships (sexuality and marriage). Every preacher knows his or her spouse is taking notes whenever marriage is the theme. Someone sent me a cartoon of a pastor and his wife driving home after church. She’s jauntily gazing out the window, her arm draped over the car seat, a picture of nonchalance. He‘s clutching the steering wheel, tie loosened, glaring straight ahead, consternation all over his countenance. He speaks: “Have you stopped to consider how much more effective my sermon would have been if you hadn’t yelled ‘Ha!‘!“ That’s why I knew we had to preach that sermon together. We shared five secrets from a book that has blessed us immensely – Willard F. Harley, Jr.‘s His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-proof Marriage. Consider for yourself these top five needs in the community of marriage.

Harley identifies the number one need of a wife: affection. “When a husband shows his wife affection, he sends the following messages: I’ll take care of you and protect you. You are important to me, and I don’t want anything to happen to you. I’m concerned about the problems you face, and I am with you. I think you’ve done a good job, and I’m proud of you“ (p.33). I’ve read that how a couple relates to each other in the first four minutes of the morning and the evening sets the agenda for their entire time together.

Harley’s number one need for a husband: sexual fulfillment. No surprise – men are sexual creatures. Read the Pentateuch! “When a man chooses a wife, he promises to remain faithful to her for life. This means that he believes his wife will be his only sexual partner ‘until death do us part.‘ He makes this commitment because he trusts her  to be sexually interested in him as he is in her“ (p. 43).

From years of ministry to couples, Harley identifies the number two needs as conversation for the wife and recreational companionship for the husband. Talk together, play together. It’s how we courted each other – it’s how we keep each other. It isn’t rochet science, these lists of Harley’s. It’s love in everyday clothes, celebrating God’s gift of your closest friend.

Taken from Chosen by Dwight Nelson